Practicing through my window
March… I get sentimental in the month of March.
7 years ago in March I left my day job to take a risk and devote myself to erinswindow – my hand building ceramics practice.
No family support (they are in overseas!) or money saved. Not even a kiln or a car (to work with clay!!) but a 3 year old dependant on my own.
I saw it as the best way to raise my child – I wanted her to be growing up seeing her mother following her heart, not noises and conveniences we have in our modern time. When she is an adult, I wanted her to remember me being happy, strong and capable of ‘making’ and living the life I wanted (with much challenges and struggles!) so that she knows she can also. So that she knows that it is not hard to be ‘a do-er’ and be responsible for her own decisions. I hope to give that to her as a life-long gift.
It is a big job being a mother, all the things we want our children to learn and have such as : honesty, bravery, kindness, empathy, determination, good self-esteem, modesty, positive outlook to life, sense of purpose in life, genuine connections with people and with themselves etc. They do not listen to what we tell them (never!) but watch and learn from how we live.
Today I am wrapping and packaging the sold pieces and feeling very grateful of my customers support.
Indirectly, they are helping my daughter grow in a healthy and strong way. I clearly see the link, so I say ‘thank you’ loudly once again today!
For me, the shift from working in corporate world to a full-time art practice is all about the honesty and a journey towards self-sufficiency.
Living in this overwhelming modern society with so much stimulation, temptation, pressure on how we should live, and being a product of the culture we live in, I have much to confront and unlearn. It is a quiet work of separating what really matters to me and what doesn’t.
And freedom only comes hand-in-hand with responsibility.
I have to be responsible for my decision. I have said good bye to artificial sense of comfort, security, connections, and worrying about what they think of me etc. Almost like a co-dependant relationship.
We are so used to quick and easy fixes rather than long-term solutions. We parent the next generation in the same way. Small children who are always given what they want, do not look happier than those given responsibilities. I guess it is the sense of belonging and connection that come with it.
We are creatures of habit. If I am not happy, I am responsible to change my own habits, thinking and feeling. It’s all about growing.
I have learnt that freedom and responsibility together seem to be the ingredients for my sense of happiness and what keeps me focused and creative….
Published in Wild Tongue Vol.2 2018